I Want to Be Called "Mommy": Intro

Being called "mommy" will be the best words that could ever fall on my ears. Motherhood is something to look forward to- tiny hands, the small patter of feet on the floor, seeing your child grow into beautiful young people... and of course, puke all over freshly washed outfits, sleepless nights, and temper tantrums. Motherhood is the dream.

I want children more than anything. Their names,what they will look like, and each imaginary child's personality has been decided. Ask me about any one of my imaginary children sometime, and I will tell you which eats ketchup with everything, which will be athletic, and which will never surprise me, because she is so eccentric. Will my real children be anything like this? I hope not; I want God to bless me with something even better than I conjure up in my daydreams.

From what I know, the risk for infertility is relatively small in IBD. I realize that I will more than likely have the three beautiful children I dream of, but I still worry. What if the lack of nourishment in my IBD doesn't allow pregnancy? What if my tubes get snipped on accident when I have my colon removed, or my ovaries scar from years of inflammation in my gut?  Because of my health, there are stretches of months of not even getting a period- how difficult will that make becoming pregnant? Is freezing my eggs and asking someone to be a surrogate mother, in case of infertility, an option? What if my pregnancies are nine months of hell or I flare? How will I explain to my children that I am ill? Will they resent me for the days I am not able to get out of bed and be a mother? If I pass my disease to them, will they hate me?

These aren't exactly questions I want to be thinking about. I'd much rather daydream about my hot date, what I'm going to do with the degree I don't have, or that super cute dress I saw at H&M. So in order to educate myself, I will be spending the next several weeks blogging about different topics related to IBD and fertility, and sort out my muddled thoughts on a very sensitive issue for me. Please feel free to direct me to resources, or share your story with me- learning more about my dream role is important to me, and I want to be well-equipped with answers. I was told upon my diagnosis, which was over a year ago, that I'd want to have children within the next ten years, because there could be problems with my j-pouch or ostomy (which I don't have yet), cancer (which I hope I never have), or with the severity of the flares I get. I don't know how much this applies to me now since I've been doing so well (this could change), but that's why I have a doctor- for answering my questions.

 Check back next Sunday for part two.