Put Your Game Face ON!

Most, if not all, inflammatory bowel disease patients will have clinical depression. You'll at some point be on medication that make you feel like you're going crazy. Sometimes, those medications make you feel like you're on top of the world, and the next moment, you're ready to murder someone. If your medications don't put you in the dumps, constantly taking dumps and missing out on life will. It's tough to deal when your body is attacking you and you have all sorts of crazy painful and embarrassing symptoms.  It's just one of the many blessings we are given as IBD patients. Here are some things I do to put my game face on!

GAME FACE!!! (I'm literally incapable of taking nice looking selfies.)

1. If you are feeling suicidal, go to the hospital.

I won't be shy about this: steroids DO make me suicidal. My GI won't let me be on them anymore, because I start making suicide plans within only a few doses. I suffer such severe mood swings that I would rather just deal with my mini flares that I get occasionally when my Humira and azathioprine don't work, than risk killing myself. If you ever feel this way, whether it's from drugs or the blues that come with being chronically ill, seek professional help. You are not weak. You are not alone. You are important. Your life IS worth living. Things will get better. *hugs for anyone in this boat*

2. PREDNISONE CRAZIES!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!

You can't help yourself. You just ate all the food in your cupboards, your fridge, and freezer. You're still hungry. You want to murder your husband one moment. You want all the happiness and rainbows to yourself the next. You want to adopt all the puppies, and cry when you realize your landlord doesn't allow dogs, and think all the puppies are going to die. I once dumped Holden and took him back twice in the course of three hours, because steroids make me insane. But when I was acting crazy and violent one moment and sweet and weepy the next, Holden always told me something that I tried to remind myself of when I was alone: this is not you, this is the drug talking. Say it like a mantra. You'll be off this, and in a short while, it'll be like a very bad dream. If the drugs make you suicidal, tell your doc, stat. Forgive yourself for any unkind words you may have said, cake you shouldn't have eaten, crazy stunts you may have pulled, and repeat after me. This is not me. This is the medication. Forgive yourself.

3. Weight gain and pizza face.

I wish I could help more with this one. I don't get moon face or swell up several dress sizes. The only part of my body that swells when I'm on prednisone are my feet and ankles. My feet get so swollen I can barely walk or stand. My shoes get super tight. I haven't found a solution, but propping my feet seems to relieve some of the pain. While you're on prednisone, continue to love your body. A little weight (or a lot of weight) is not the end of the world, and I know people can lose it. You could try working with a dietitian or exercise to lose the weight. But again, I don't really gain weight. There are plenty of people on the internet that do have expertise in this area, and I suggest checking them out.

I do get the nasty, inflamed cysts that sprout all over my face like mini volcanoes when I take steroids, though. The first time I experienced this was a blessing in disguise. It was how I learned to do my makeup. I used eye makeup to distract, and tried to cover up the welts on my face as best I could. Try to keep your face as clean and well-moisturized as possible. Having a dirty face will only contribute to the problem, and flaky zits are never easy to cover, and stand out worse than a non-flaky one. It'll clear up after you finish your treatment, but if it's really bothering you, see a dermatologist.

4. I want to sob my heart out.

When you're diagnosed, you go through a grieving process. Suddenly. your life revolves around doctors, bathrooms, tests, infusions, scary surgeries,  not being able to eat your favorite foods... it stinks. Your life is suddenly different, and you might feel out of control. That's ok. That's normal. It's ok of you need to cry your eyes out on your best friends shoulder and get snot everywhere. That's what best friends are for. The important thing is to be able to pick your self back up, which brings me to my next point...

5. Get creative!

Whenever I feel down, I fall in love with writing again. It's an effort to actually put pen to paper, because my dark places consist of dreaming my days away, eating ice cream and struggling not to engage in some sort of self-destructive behavior. But, I do it. I hate it at first. I won't deny it is a struggle, that I have to force myself to scribble and scrawl. I also really love art. I'm no Michelangelo, but I really enjoy painting, photography, making collages, and pottery. During particularly rough patches in high school, I always made sure I took some sort of art class. I also listen to weird bands none of my friends do. The more freaky and unusual they are, the better. (If I wasn't in love with a writer, I'd be stuck with some band geek. I lucked out.) The point is to dig yourself out of the hole through art. If you hate art, find your "ladder". I have some more ideas in #7.

6. Find your childhood favorites.

I love listening to music when I'm down. I also love things that remind me of my childhood happiness. That means to lift my spirits, I listen to weird combo of Shania Twain (I hate Country, so keep this a secret ), Phantom of the Opera, and Chubby Checker's "Twist". I also freak out about Polly Pockets, flip (in a good way) when my little sisters show me their Barbies wearing the same clothes my Barbies did, and look through old photographs.

Me and Socks! Age: two

It's nice for me to flip through old photos of me and my sisters and laugh at our shenanigans. It takes me back to simpler times.

7. These are a few of my favorite things!

I've written a list, so that if you're down and need more ideas, you can just reference this list. Yay! 

Games: Legend of Zelda (any game will do, but Ocarina of Time will always have my heart), Egyptian rat race, Find It!, Mario Kart, air hockey, and how-badly-can-I-annoy-Holden or how-many-questions-can-I-ask-Holden-before-he-gets-irritated.

Movies and TV Shows: Pirates of the Caribbean, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Shaun of the Dead, Psych, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, Perks of Being a Wallflower, Monk, Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, Paul, Saving Private Ryan, RuPaul's Drag Race, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Swedish version, the American version ruined Lisbeth).

Activities: Cooking, baking, cleaning, reading, writing, taking walks, holding hands with my best friend and forever love, chilling with my sisters and brothers, and going for the occasional run.

8. What NOT to do.

If you're struggling, deal with your emotions in a healthy way. Don't drink your problems away, over dose on the pain meds, self-injure, push family and friends away, engage in risky behaviors, etc, etc. These things only hurt you. They don't help. You will probably do some things you regret, but learn from them. Grow from your mistakes. You will have days when you lash out at your partner and say horrible things. If you're like me, you'll make the occasional nurse cry. (Oops.) Take your lesson, and don't repeat the behavior.

If any of you were wondering why I've been so spotty with my blog posts, it's not my IBD that's been kicking me in the rear. It's the lovely depression that comes with my IBD. These last few weeks have been really hard for me. But I wrote this to prove to myself, and to you, that I can get through this, because I'm so much tougher than these puny diseases I have. Against me, these illnesses, mental and physical, don't stand a chance. I have an awesome support network, people who love me, weird stuff, and this blog. I can do this, and so can you. If you need a pick me up, I hope I gave you some ideas!